My "foreign" Trip

The return back home always gives me the inspiration that the enthusiasm of the exploratory journey fails to provide. As i write this, in the departure lounge of the Heathrow airport, i realize its been two months since i have been away from home, from India. people might stay months, years, life's even, away from their motherland, with the material comforts as their only companions, I can't. I might have to at some point in time, but in my imagination, that time is far away.

There's a lot to learn here.

From the people. Their culture, their mannerisms.
Aeron said today, " you might find the people of England, perhaps rude." Shocked that i actually felt the reverse, he narrowed down his generalization to London. (more about Aeron later). People of England had been cordial and friendly in Huddersfield, a small town near Manchester. Perhaps the small place and old-country-style setting gave us the real taste of "true" English culture. Perhaps Indians in the rural are more cordial and friendly than the urban Indians. Warm and friendly, even the weather welcomed us at the onset of our journey. My experience in the UK was altogether memorable. meeting my sister after about a year, living in her small Heidi-like cottage was like living in my childhood dreamland. Enid Blyton, Dickens and my other childhood companions seemed to look at me from every corner, from every cottage. It sure felt bad to leave England in just about 2 weeks, but my excitement to meet my other sister was not to be contained. My departure came ever too quickly for me, before i could take in everything that Huddersfield had to offer, before i could see the beautiful daffodils or the rhododendron bloom in my sister's garden, and after what seemed like ages of killing a thousand slugs.

My flight to the USA was pretty eventful, with nothing to eat till 1 in the afternoon in Dublin and sleep filled eyes, a result of getting up at 3.30 in the morning. Long flights don't help though... i couldn't sleep a bit. The air hostess in Air Lingus was rude and racist and kept being rude to me for no reason whatsoever. I bore it all with the happiness of meeting my sister after almost an year. Having started the journey at 3 in the morning, we finally slept at 1 in the night. so add 5 hours to that, and it means that my day stretched to almost 30 hours.

But my first glimpse of America was BREATHTAKING. the captain of the flight was awesome. when we were flying over the Atlantic ocean, he dropped the height so that we could see the whales and dolphins jump and swoosh in the ocean below. The left side having seen it, he dipped the plane to the right so that the passengers on the right could have a look as well, announcing alongside, " ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain XYZ. for your entertainment folks, the people on the left can see the mermaids frolicking in the ocean... and now the people on the right can have a try at disbelieving their eyes. Alright, here we go back up guys." my first view was of the Chicago skyline, and it stood up to its reputation. soon after i was in the countryside, watching deer and sand quarries and wind farms on my way to Purdue University.

Though largely different experiences, both US and UK were strangely similar. both places i went to were small quiet towns, and people extremely friendly. though i wouldn't want to enrage either by pointing out more similarities, it was fun. in more ways than one.
the young crowd that i had missed in England was more than made up for in America. staying in the university, i had extensive interaction with the elite of the American youth. playing with the basketball players, meeting the nerds in the library, and the fraternity members lounging outside their frats... all was a part of my "American" experience..

Yet the vast availability of the comforts seemed empty if you see the life of the people there. it isn't easy. They say life is comfortable here, but those who work here know better. the the amount of work, and the "senior-pressure" takes it toll on you. its even more difficult for the international students. coming from different countries, they are obviously ill-suited to the environment, to the culture, to the food habits etc to say the least. they try and find places which gets them their kind of food, and thus either end up spending more than required or under-nourishing themselves.

Life there is difficult, albeit lucrative.

no matter how multi-cultural a country is and how tolerant the people are, no one ever gets the acceptance and comfort that one gets in their own nation.

Hell, life is difficult enough in one's own country without adding to one's misery.

I wonder why I always end with mixed feelings, i wonder why i am neither too happy nor too sad with things, be it something expected to make me sad or something expected to be to my liking. Is life always a bundle of joy and sorrow together???

Mordern Singhni!!

urm.. for those who r reading this for the first time, i am a sikh. and i have taken up amrit.. that means i carry the five K's everywhere..

Now.. this evening, i had gone to the Gurudwara for the daily class.. There was some path going on in the gurudwara main hall.. so i just went there to ake the blessings before carrying on to the class. On the door, there were two aunties... when i came out of the hall, they stopped me and one of them exclaimed, "oh! so u r a mordern sikhni?!!"
i was taken aback and could only mutter, "err.. i guess u can call me that.. but why do u ask??!"
"Because u r wearing a kirpan with jeans and a t-shirt.. R u coming from college?!"
"No. French class."
"OH!! so u r also learning FRENCH!?! Thats great! So why are you wearing a kirpan? Are you training to be a priest or something??"
"Well, No. i have taken up Amrit because i believe in the principles of my religion and because i want to be a part of the Khalsa Panth."
"Oh My! that is great!"
"Achcha aunty ji, waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguruji ki Fateh."

Such comments r a part and parcel of my life now.. But nevertheless they get me thinking.. Why is it that not being normal is taken as being ABnormal and not Different?! Why does society make life difficult for all those who want to be different?!

i might seem immodest.. But i can't help saying that i have definitely unintentionally chosen to be different in all respects.. Coming from a family of Science background, i have deliberately chosen to pursue my hobby and taken up Arts.. At the same time, i have taken up amrit and by the rules, i keep my head covered at all times and cant cut my hair... something that doesnt bother me, but horrifies all my friends..

But such comments have been a part of my life ever since i was 13 years old. that was when i had taken up amrit.. Still in school, my friends and random students would come upto me and ask me if i were a christian.. and ask me why i kept my head covered. though they did not bother me, what made life worse in the intial years were the comments from my Teachers..

Well yeah.. Teachers r supposed to support their students.. but there was this one ma'am who used to teach me Economics.. One day she asked me why i kept my head covered. i told her it was because of my faith in my religion. She was taken aback and she told me that she did not expect such orthodox ideas from a mordern girl! she tried her best to convince me that though necessary once, these outward experiences held no importance in today's world and i am an idiot to believe in them. she even said that the whole community was now waking up to this fact,a nd as a result we had mordern sardarnis. In this competitive world, she said, you need to keep up your image.

At that time, my mom advised me and i was saved from delflecting from my promise.. But I always wonder why people can't tolerate those who want to be different. None of my school teachers r ready to meet me with the same enthusiasm as before. In their eyes, i have shown my weakness by taking arts.. Each to his own, i say.
But they stop whole generations of students from pursuing their dreams..

That is what saddens me the most.

BIRTHDAY!!!

For the first time.. i was excited.....

For the first time... it was fun

For the first time i realised why birthdays r meant to be special...

For the first time.... i turned 18...





My day started off at 4 in the morning.. with a lot of apprehensions... but it went away fast and better than my wildest expectations..

they say i am different... isn't everyone?!!

I did what mattered the most to me on the day that matters the most to me.. is that being different??!! well.. i am sure no one meant it in a derogatory manner and am thankful to all those who wished me today.. even if they wished me cuz i reminded them it was my birthday!! :D

hehehehe.. yeah i know.. i ACTUALLY did that.. :D
lol... i'll never grow up.. :D



talking about grown ups...
i am an adult finally..

is it good?
is it bad??

does it matter??
do i have control over it??
i had to come here some point or the other.. everything has its goods and bads..
i just hope what i have vowed to do, will be done..
i just hope that my prayers r answered.
i just hope that i have the strength to fulfill my promises.
i just wish.. a final wish.. my 18th birthday wish...
that i be a responsible citizen. that i be a responsible moral and rational human being. that i be a responsible daughter, sister and friend..

Thank You GOD for the beautiful 18 years that u have blessed me with.

Post- Kscope

KALEIDOSCOPE IS OVER.

FINALLY. SADLY. IRREVERSIBILY.

The question is not whether it matters, the question is how much does it matter??? The thing with Kscope is that when it gets over, it not only means an end to all those months of work and fun, but also that one semester of the year is about to end.
To me, that means that three semesters of college are gone with three more to go. The thought is scary when i look back and feel as if it was yesterday that i joined college. that means college will be over before i realise it.

I hate maths.

Applying logic here makes everything seem so exaggerated. Everything happens when it has to happen. And here is when one of my favorite poets voices my mind.

"O how feeble is man's power,
That if good fortune fall,
Cannot adde another houre,
Nor a lost houre recall!
But come bad chance,
And wee joyne to' it our strength,
And wee teach it art and length,
It selfe o'r us to' advance."
- "Song", John Donne

I think the best part of Kscope (apart from Kscope itself) is that it comes, goes and then comes again!!! Oh well, next it will go and not come back. But HEY!! It will forever remain with us. I never thought i'll get this when i left school. How can i can i say what i shall get when i will leave college??? these things are meant to be enjoyed and in turn had fun at. being sad about it is okay. but absolutely howling about the same fact is, well, unnecessary.

My experience this Kaleidoscope has been a mixed one. Where I cannot deny that it has been more fun that last year, I cannot truthfully say it has been a positive experience all together either. With its own quota of ups and downs, it has definitely been an enlightening experience.

My thoughts are still scattered.

To My Friends....

I dont know how to start this.

I don't know how i should say what i have in mind. It is so untangible and unexplainable.
It is like watching the waves on the sea. A rise and fall. A fall which comes with the promise of a rise. A rise which tells us that i am as fleeting and momentary as the fall itself.

I have always tried not to judge people and specially not myself. I am the worst judge when it comes to others. But this reputation of mine has no influence on facts that make the truth glare right back at me.

I realised today, that whatever happens, happens for the good. I don't mean "whatever God does is for our good"... What i mean is that there is good in everything that happens to us.

I love my friends.

I love all my friends in college.

I want them all to know it.

To be fair, i know i can't prove it to them. I know that perhaps they already know it. But to be frank, i can NEVER make them realise how important they actually are to me.

I've known most of them for about an year now. It is not a small duration in which to have fights. But believe it or not, i never did. Now don't say that we fight with those we love the most. We don't.

If what you mean by it is that we fight with only those whom we are absolutely frank with, then say it. I would agree with you.
But i still never fought with them.

I have noticed some things that i might not appreciate chez-elles, but their goodness out weighs all of that.
i realised today that i am actually running out of love because i cant love them enough. Because every fine day, they give me a new reason to love them afresh. Because every fine day, they give me a new reason to love myself. Because every fine day, they erase from my mind a part of my prejudice against girls. Because every fine day, they just be themselves. No pretense. No facade. they are just themselves.

i seriously don't know how to say what i feel. So i'll stop here.
But if u know what i am talking about, please feel free to comment.

Love
Molu

One Puff, One Life

Life is versatile
or just maybe volatile

every drop that evaporates

takes us nearer to Hell's Gates.

What? You expect to go to heaven?

without a thought for your actions even?

Go have a smoke.

Take a puff, and you are broke!

Don't lie to me, or worse, to yourself,

isn't this an attempt to redeem your "self"?

Do no good. Be no good.

Just hide behind a cigarette's hood.

I tried so hard to make you see

cigarette smoking's futility.

But to no avail were these efforts of mine,

my attempts & understanding you did undermine.

Each to himself they rightly say,

well then, Blow away, waste away.

What other right is left to me to say?

Just take it, Just Take It All Away.

Philosophy mania......

I think, therefore I am.

Wow…
I LOVE philosophy… and of course Trevor Sir (my philosophy sir)… I mean.. I am not saying that I agree with the line or anything… but then that’s the whole point with philo!!
U can disagree to your hearts content!! And as Trevor Sir put it, “we can agree to disagree”!!!
And that is what makes all the difference!! I mean acc. to me, this is the only subject where u can actually disagree with your predecessors and call them well, mad or out of their mind or stuff like that, u know… of course, without feeling guilty about it…
And you know, just thrash their philosophy left, right and centre with all the valid excuses and justifications!! Just imagine doing this to Newton or Keppler… I mean, my physics sir would thrash me before I can even begin on Newton… his Religion…
So no wonder I lurve Philo…
And to top it all.. I have such amazing friends who come up with such amazing ideas… that could give Douglas Adams a run for his money… but that’s not the point…
The point is, my love is 50% due to the subj. and teacher, and 50% due to the company!!!
Even in boring classes like family and marriage (okay it’s not boring... but the teacher is), we manage to have heated discussion about all the various “forms of marriage”!!

wow.. no wonder i love college and love my class!! :)

and to TOP IT ALL!! IT STARTED RAINING!!!!!!!! YAAY!!!

Monsoon finally feels like monsoon in Mumbai..... What more could i ask for?!?!!

Thank you GOD!!! :)
P.S. (only for sharanya) yeah.. our conversation hasnt finished yet... ;)

ODE TO MY FRIEND...

A HEART OF GOLD

On an evening quiet and calm,
near the beach, under the trees of Palm,
My cute and innocent friend caught hold
of a "left-behind" Heart of Gold.

Unsuspecting, he took it away,
when lights in the sky began to play.
Now the world hits him blow after blow,
and the Heart of Gold, he cannot let go.

And yet ignorant, he feels sad,
reproaching himself, saying HE is bad,
the treacheries of the world, he does not judge,
as, against the world he holds no grudge.

Reproaching again, he strives to change,
the pain in his eyes we cannot gauge,
all owing to his pure Heart of Gold,
he's a starched sheet bound to crumple and fold.

A beautiful person inside-out,
he never leaves me ever in doubt.
A solution to the problems he does provide,
while all his hurts he tries to hide.

Can't hurt a person, nor break a heart,
the "perfect" human, he plays his part.
I wish him the best in all the world shall give,
'cuz I'll look after him, as long as i live.


(This is no ode, no matter what the title says. I just meant it for the literal meaning of the word. I don't even know what the characteristics of an ode in the poetry sense are. I just wrote this for a friend of mine. i wont disclose his name. If he reads it though, i am sure he'll know. So all the literature enthusiasts reading this, please dont be offended if this comes nowhere near to what an ode actually means)

SILENCE

Silence is when you hear,
buds when a whole new garment they wear.

Silence is when you hear,
the gentle fall of a silent tear.

Silence is when you hear,
the heart-break one has to bear.

Silence is when you hear,
the gentle mending of an open tear.

Silence is when you see,
pain in the eyes, locked for eternity.

All I get is silence,
when i look for a meaning in all the violence.

Silence is my shield,
against hurts on me the world shall wield.

Silence again, is the only refuge
even when its deafening and huge!

At Heaven's Gates

When the world goes around,

And dusk is bound,
When blood hounds threaten to growl and pound,
When we are finally home-bound,
things in our head go round and round.

Life flashes by at a steady pace,
of things left behind in the worldly race,
the golden train and the lovely face
of the little doll with a frock of lace.

All left behind, i am running hard,
to be the first, to make myself heard.
Only to be stopped by the dutiful guard
at heaven's gates, open for a drunkard

for, content and satisfied, he had lived his life
had a family, children and a beautiful wife.
I look helplessly, as I had never been
content with the light, happy with the sheen.

My life flashes afore my eyes,
I am crying tears as cold as ice.
The life i had led, so completely hollow
if only instead of money, t'was my heart
had i the courage to follow!